Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
