PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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