i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
