Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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