I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
