Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
