I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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