You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
