I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
