Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Terrible idea I love it
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
