I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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