What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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