im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
