theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
they're like a gay fantastic four
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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