take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
