guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
