Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
