turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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