I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize