just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
