i love accidental penises.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
