i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
