So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
