Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
vagina is talking i cant
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
