every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
