we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
