I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
