Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
