I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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