You made me cry and you don't even care
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
