What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
