it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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