This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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