She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
