they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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