exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
