it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
