As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
