Say something about gay babies.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
