I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
