Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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