my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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