You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize