$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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