I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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