Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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