she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
