She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
