There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have aggressive nipples.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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