I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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