it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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