if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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