Kiss
Puke
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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