I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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