Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
