So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
