Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize