He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have fence marks all over my body
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize