i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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