if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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