..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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