I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
