you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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