I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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