Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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