I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize