so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
