So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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